“That Free Slurpee Sort of Suck”-ing… Should Not Have Come as a Surprise.

I’m not one to pick a virtual food-fight over something as silly as the Slurpee (especially since I have not posted a thing on this blog in months!). But for writing his most recent post, I’m throwing a Coke Slurpee in Chris Shott’s general direction.

If you like Pina Coladas... You probs won't dig this.

Because the only thing sillier than devoting a post to the Slurpee… is devoting a post to the “Sort-of” sucking of a 7-11 Pina Colada Slurpee on Free Slurpee Day.

Chris, you may be an excellent food reviewer and Editor over at Young & Hungry at the Washington City Paper.. but I am surprised you had such high expectations for your 7-11 franchise on 7/11.  A few, quick notes to set you straight:

1. Since I was 4 or 5, I’ve frequently visited a 7-11 on a hot day to realize that the only flavors they have left are Coke (because both kids and adults love colorful Slurpees) and Pina Colada (blech).  Whether the machine is “malfunctioning” or your 7-11 franchise is looking to get rid of it’s less-popular flavors is beyond me, but suffice it to say… the fact that you got suckered into a Pina Colada Slurpee ain’t really news.

2. Slurpees are best when mixed.  That’s right, I’m talking Alienade mixed with Fanta Red Cherry or Orange, with a splash of Pina Colada in the middle.  If you have to stick with one flavor of Slurpee, you may want to consider throwing in the towel on your Slurpee Day (especially when that flavor is not neon-colored!).

3. Pina Colada is a flavor only to be used in mixing.  If you had to relate it to a cocktail, drinking a Pina Colada Slurpee would be like drinking Malibu mixed with flavored coconut water.  You need some tang of citrus, or acid, and my guess is Pina Colada Slurpee has little-to-none in comparison to the other ingredients.

4. Not all 7-11′s are created equal.  And neither is every day at the same 7-11.  I love a good 7-11 hotdog, but if I walk in and the dogs turning next to the register look a little funky, I’m walking.  Likewise, consider hitting up your 7-11 tomorrow for a red + blue Slurpee – should the machine be working – and be happy you aren’t stuck drinking Pina Colada again.

It’s not that I think the Slurpee is a must-have food (although if you haven’t had one and live in the US, what?).  It’s just that I think you went into the experience with unrealistic expectations.

Next time, do yourself a favor and avoid the Pina Colada.  Better yet, visit your 7-11 on 7-10 and pony up 99 cents for a mixed-flavor Slurpee.

Cheers (and looking forward to your next blog post!).